Dream Book

I love Christmas! The lights, presents, shopping, hot chocolate, christmas cookies, family, friends, ornaments, santa, snowmen, snow angles, christmas carols......I just love it all so much!

That being said...it just hit me that we are already 9 days into December and Christmas is right around the corner. As fantastic as that is it also hit me that 2011 is right around the next corner. Why does that matter so much? New years always makes me stop and take a look at my life (I think its the whole resolution thing) and usually I can't help but think I wish I had done more. So I've decided this upcoming year is going to be different.

My brain doesn't work the same as most peoples I don't think. If you read my blog or talk to me you will see I change my mind a lot! Because I change my mind so much its hard for me to really get into and stay into one project. There are so many things I want to do but most of them involve being able to focus my thoughts and really stay into what I'm doing for more than a day. I know the person I want to be, I know the things I want to do I just have to figure out how to get myself to that point. In order to do that I'm starting a dream book!

Dream Book? No guys its not for tracking the dreams I have while I sleep. I've decided to take the idea of a dream board and expand it! I have a dream board and it is effective to a certain point. But after awhile it kind of just become something that hangs on my wall...like a piece of art....when you first get it you take the time to really admire it but after awhile you just walk past it like its not a big deal. My dream board is now something that just fades into the background when I'm in my room. I figured if I had a notebook I can carry with me or constantly add to I'll be able to keep track of everything I want to do and all of my ideas. That way nothing is left behind!

I'm also hoping in creating this dream book it will allow me to get my ideas better organized so I'm capable of focusing on the things I want!

Who Says I Can't?

I've been hearing I'm crazy a lot lately. = ) I also get weird and strange sometimes too. Personally I think they're compliments!

I like to do the things that I like to do, when I want to do them, regardless of what people think. Now I suppose that can sound sort of snobby but I don't mean for it to. It's more like people give me that...what is wrong with her look a lot...I'm guessing it has to do with the things I do and the way I do them.

People take life to seriously! You should enjoy life and make the most out of everyday whether you're 16, 18, 21, 40 or 85. Who put an age restriction on fun?

When I was younger (writing that always makes me giggle because I am only 21) I wasn't one of those people who couldn't wait to grow up. I wanted to stay young forever. In fact at one point I decided that 18 was as old as I wanted to get. I loved high school, I thought it was a blast! I liked going to football games, dances, looking forward to weekends so I could sleep in.

Not only where there so many great things about being a kid but I also looked at all the adults I knew and it never seemed like they had any fun. My parents both worked full time by the time they got home it was dinner then watching TV until bed. Seemed like such a boring way to live! = ( Most of my friend's parents were the same way. I could never understand why they didn't make time for more fun. I swore I would never let my life be like that. It's like you're working just to live.

I mean what is the point? You get up, go to work, come home, eat dinner, watch TV, go to bed, then get up and do it all over again. Every day its the same thing and why? So you can pay you're mortgage so you have a place to eat, sleep and watch TV? It just doesn't balance out in my head. Maybe its just me?

Now that I am actually a grown up I can't understand for the life of me why everyone looks so forward to it. Bills, work, bills, work, bills, work, school, school bills....that's pretty much my life.
Because I decided a long time ago that I wasn't going to live life just to survive I make the most of everything I do! In doing that I have tons of fun!!!!!!! That's why people think I'm crazy.


I'm 21..........

• I'm addicted to playing Facebook games
• I read the A List Books, Gossip Girl and Twilight
• Taylor Lautner is one of the hottest guys alive!
• I hate the Jersey Shore
• I am a big believer in astrology.....its all about the zodiac = )
• I love High School Musical and I own all 3 DVDs
• Sometimes I wear my sunglassses inside....why? Just because I feel like it
• I like hanging out with my brother and sister
• Saving money is hard for me
• I have a DVD addiction
• I have pen pals in jail and all over the world
• I love piggy banks
• Dressing up for Halloween is a must.....and I don't mean in the sluttiest costume possible...in fact I'm thinking this year I'll be Mario and I'll have someone else be Luigi
• I enjoy playing video games....Donkey Kong, Super Mario......YEAH BUDDY!!!!!
• I like to color
• I enjoy playing with bubbles
• Playing on the swings, building sand castles, drawing with chalk....all sound good to me
• The Scooby's Hot Dog Guy that stands on North Ave makes me giggle....I love that guy!
• I wish on shooting stars and when the clock says 11:11
• I still enjoy the B96 summer bash
• I actually get in the pool when we decide to swim......I don't know how people can just lay there and bake...that is not fun to me.
• I'd rather pick flowers than plant them
• Football Sunday is NOT the highlight of my week
• Reading forward emails usually makes me smile and I enjoy it
• Fun quotes make me feel happy
• I enjoy just driving around singing along to the radio
• I think people who drive to slow should get tickets
• They should let me coach the Chicago Bulls....You guys have so much talent....you really should be better!
• I love getting mail!
• I say hi and wave to everybody
• Building snowmen is a must in the winter
• I go outside with my hair wet in the winter even though I know I shouldn't
• I still haven't become friends with the iron or the sewing machine

People think just because you're a grown up you have to act a certain way and you can't do certain things. I say......FORGET THAT!!!!!! If it sounds like fun to me I'm going to do it. I don't care if people think I'm to old. 

You wont be here forever so you might as well enjoy it while you are! Don't let what other people think hold you back!

Is it Just Me?

I think maybe I'm a strange person and I mean this in the best way possible. Of course I suppose it's totally possible that I think I'm just super unique when really the way I think isn't that much different from anyone after all. 

My brain works on overtime! Some people would think this is amazing while others find it to be a bummer....usually those on the bummer end are the ones who end up listening to me talk. = ) I think about things that I'd be willing to bet never cross other peoples minds. Like why we want moon rocks......personally I think a Mars rock would be a lot cooler. Why are we here if all we do is work to live? 

I know all my faults as well as all of my good traits. I can see the upside to every situation while being able to see the downside at the same time. I try to practice what I preach but that's a lot easier said than done. I like to do the things I like to do regardless of what other people think is appropriate but at the same time as much as I try not to care I still care what people think. I believe hardcore in astrology. I change my mind about what I want to do every single day but I never forget anything I've ever wanted to do. I want to make a difference and help people but I never know how to do that. 

I feel like I was meant to do something great but I just can't figure out what it is. Its extremely frustrating for me to have all these ideas all of the time and never know what to do with them. You see I'm a thinker, a planner. I am not a doer! I know that's something I need to change and I am working on it. But right now that's just not enough for me. Nothing ever seems to be enough for me. 

Helping one person is great but I want something bigger than that.....I want to help EVERYONE! I don't want people to suffer and be unhappy. Because I always want something bigger I never get started doing something smaller. Does that make any sense?

You would think being home all day I'd have tons of time to do something great. That is not the case for me. I'm so unbelievably bored with life right now! I tried starting school. I thought that would solve my problem because then I'm doing something with myself I'm not just completely wasting time. Did that work? No! I'm still bored out of my mind. I need to find something I can do during the day that makes me feel like I'm doing something productive with my time. 

Its kind of like......if you woke up tomorrow and found out you had just one day to live what would you be able to say about your life? This is the question I've been asking myself a lot lately. This is the question that is making me crazy! 

My answer...........NOTHING! I mean I graduated high school and don't get me wrong that is a great accomplishment but its nothing extraordinary. I love my family and my friends and that is also something I am very proud of. But really I haven't done anything with my life. I know, I know I'm only 21 years old.......how can I possibly say that when I have my whole life ahead of me? Its easy really......it takes one person one second to make a difference. Sounds strange doesn't it? 

Think of it this way....you're walking into work and you smile at the gentleman while your waiting for him to catch up so you can hold the door open for him. A genuine smile from a stranger can mean the world! Now you've made his day and he goes into work and gives a promotion to a deserving employee whose been struggling to make ends meet. Now he has made her day. On her way home she stops at a local pizza parlor to grab dinner for her husband and kids. While waiting for her pizza the young girl behind the counter makes small talk and seems nice enough. On her way out with her pizza she gives the girl a $5.00 tip. That tip was unexpected but certainly appreciated and it makes the young girls day. She takes it home and puts it in her savings jar thats about ready to be cashed in. With that money she's ready to apply to medical school. A lot of hard work and a few years later she graduates at the top of her class. We now have one of the best doctors because someone took the time to smile at a stranger! 

We all have it in us to be great, unfortunately only a small percentage of us ever really reach our full potential. You don't have to be a grown up, have a college degree, money, time, or anything really. All you have to have is the desire to make a difference!

I'm pretty sure I have that now all I need to do is find a way to tap into it!

Jail Time!

About a month ago I decided to join a program that allows me to be penpals with men and women in prison. When I told my family what I was doing they had that jaw dropping look. "Why would you want to do that?" Is the question I hear most of the time....so let me clear it up for everyone!

I enjoy writing letters. I enjoy receiving letters. I also enjoy helping people. With this program I'm doing all three of those things at the same time. Plus it makes me feel really good. When I get their letters and they tell me about themselves and how happy they are to receive my letter it makes me feel like what I'm doing makes them happy...even if it's just for that 20 minutes they spend reading my letter and writing me back.

Not all people in jail are horrible people. Now don't get your panties in a bunch....I'm not saying we should let them all out either. I simply think that being in jail they're paying their debt to society and we shouldn't just write them off as horrible people. They're trying to make things right and we should have an open mind when looking at who they really are.

It's amazing to me how reading their letters can make me feel so lucky. It makes me remember how lucky I am to have a family, to have a place to live, and friends who care about me.

Most of the guys I write to tell me a lot about how they grew up and how that affected the things they did....which led to their being in prison. I read about all the bad stuff they went through and it make me grateful that I live in a nice neighborhood and that I have a mom and a dad who love me.

So when I talk to someone and I tell them I'm pen pals with people in jail I don't care that they don't like it! We look at these men in prison like they're so horrible when really a lot of them are in there working to turn their lives around. They go to church services and work on their education. I think its extremely admirable to take such a bad situation and turn it into a positive.

The guy I write to most often is extremely intelligent. He also tells me about how when he gets out he wants to help people. He wants to be able to take care of his family. He also tells me about how proud he is to have me as a friend.

It makes me feel so good knowing that he appreciates me taking a little bit of my time to write to him. Not all of the men in prison are bad people. They have hopes and dreams just like the rest of us. So why is everyone so quick to judge them?

I actually think its really funny. A lot of people think I'm a judgmental person and I'm not going to lie I am to some degree...but I'm working on it. But those same people were the ones whose eyes almost popped out of their heads when I told them I'm pen pals with these men in jail. Seriously guys....isn't that being judgmental?

Riding Cross Country

Recently I've decided that I want to ride my bike across the United States! At first I thought I wanted to walk across the country but then I was like forget that. So biking seemed like a much faster way to go. Then I decided if I'm going to do it I'm going to do it for a good reason.

So now I'm gong to bike across the country to raise money and awareness for Narcolepsy. 

Narcolepsy is a sleep disorder in which suffers experience excessive daytime sleepiness. These periods of extreme sleepiness are also known as sleep attacks. Sleep attacks occur suddenly often causing people to fall asleep at inappropriate times...like at work, in class, driving, with friends. Besides the excessive sleepiness symptoms of narcolepsy are cataplexy, sleep paralysis, and hypnagogic hallucinations. Of the three cataplexy can be dangerous for some depending on the severity. Cataplexy is the loss of muscle control. Most episodes are brought on when an extreme emotion is experienced.....emotions such as anger, laughter, surprise. People don't understand what narcolepsy is, how severe it can be, or how hard it is to live with. 

Its thought that most narcoleptics go years before being diagnosed. I can tell you as someone living with narcolepsy that dealing with it while being on medication is difficult. I can also tell you as someone who learned the hard way that they were narcoleptic living with it untreated is unbelievably difficult. 

In December of 2007 I was driving home from a school orientation. Getting ready to start college, being 18 years old, and having just gotten a new car....or well knew to me it was acutally a used explorer, I was excited and ready to begin my life! That night coming home I started to feel sleepy. I figured I'd be okay I mean it happens all the time and I'm always able to make it home. I didn't have that much further to go so I decided to just keep going. That night I fell asleep behind the wheel and totaled my car, got 2 tickets that ended up costing me like $500, I lost my license...which they still haven't given back, they made me go to driving school....yes thats right driving school after having taken my license away! I lost my freedom that night! I also smashed some poor guys car and he hit the guy in front of him who went on to hit the guy in front of him. I caused a really bad accident. I'm so thankful that nobody was hurt but they could have been....and because why? Because I was driving thinking it would be okay. Not knowing that I suffered from a disorder that made it impossible for me to control these sleep attacks on my own. 

Narcolepsy is serious and it makes it so much harder to live with when people around you think its a big joke. People are mean and rude when I fall asleep when I'm with them. They say stuff that makes me feel bad because its something I can't control. They don't seem to understand that I CAN NOT CONTROL IT! If I could I wouldn't waste away my days sleeping. People don't like to go out and do things with me because chances are I'm going to fall asleep. Living with narcolepsy takes a pretty heft toll on your life and having people be so ignorant about it makes it so much harder to deal with. 

I'd like to help everyone! I'd like to raise awareness so those living with it don't have such a hard time trying to make everyone understand. I'd like to raise awareness so that nobody has to realize they have it after its to late! I'd like to raise money to help the research being done so maybe one day they'll find a cure. Lastly I'd like to show all of the narcoleptics out there that just because we have this extra hurdle we have to get over every day of our lives doesn't mean that we should give up on our dreams.

I recently posted about my goal of biking across the country for narcolepsy on a forum in one of those online communities for narcolepsy. While the feedback I got was great and knowing that they were behind me supporting me was amazing most of them still said that this wasn't something they could do. 

I don't want anyone to think that doing this means I have a slight case of narcolepsy because thats not true at all. In fact the first time I went and saw my neurologist he told me I had an impressive case...in doctor speak I guess that means its pretty severe. I also have a slight case of cataplexy. Lucky me mine occurs when I laugh....being one of the most experienced emotions that works out well for me. Everyone I'm with says stuff because every time I laugh my head drops and I make this horrible face because I can't control the muscles in my face. I also have to be really careful because its starting to get worse. My legs start to give out and my arms too causing whatever I'm holding to fall straight to the floor. I haven't actually ended up in the floor yet....I'm kind of really hoping it doesn't get that bad. Yeah so back to what I was saying....I'm not doing this because I have a slight case of narcolepsy and it will be easier for me. It wont be easy for me at all. The narcolepsy is something I'll have to fight with every day of my journey. But in accomplishing this I'm hoping to do something great for all of us and to me its worth the struggle for those 3 or 4 months. 

The last thing I want to tell everyone is that I recently read about a cyclist who is narcoleptic. His name is Franck Bouyer. Like most of us he was taking a medication to help control his narcolepsy. Unfortunately the medicine he was taking was something that athletes competing like he was were not allowed to take. Until just recently they would not let him compete. This man who suffers from something he can't control is not allowed to do something he loves because he was taking medication to try to allow himself to live as normally as possible. Does that seem fair to anyone? I can't believe they were allowed to keep him from competing. 

For those of you who don't know much about narcolepsy....even taking medication doesn't fix us completely. We can try our best to live normal lives but that just is not how it usually works out. Taking medication doesn't affect us the same as it would if someone who didn't suffer from narcolepsy would be affected....OBVIOUSLY!!! That was a pretty DUH thing to say wasn't it? In saying this I mean simply an athlete who didn't have narcolepsy might take the medication and it would have some sort of affect on him. An athlete who has narcolepsy and takes his medication....is just trying to function as normally as all the other athletes starting out. It doesn't enhance his performance! He simply takes medication to make him normal....or as close to normal as we can get. 

Alright now that I've rambled and I'm sure if you've made it this far your tired of reading this. But I promise I'm almost done. I just want to tell you all about the actual trip. 

I'd like to do it to support narcolepsy. I'd like to get those silicon bracelets to hand out along my journey. I think Dare to Dream would be a great name for my journey and the bracelets!

Dreaming has to do with sleeping which narcoleptics do a lot of but dare to dream also tells us that we should never give up on our dreams. That we deal with this thing others don't have to but it shouldn't hold us back!

I'm hoping to start on my birthday of next year which falls at the end of March. I'd like to travel across the middle part of the country....personally I think because the northern and southern parts are the skinnier parts of the country its kind of like cheating....like cutting corners in gym class. If you're going to do it might as well do it right! Living right in the middle of the United States I guess my starting point can be wherever I want it to be since I'll have to travel there regardless. I was thinking of maybe starting in Virginia and going along the transamerica route. Although that route has me ending in Oregon...why? I have no idea. To me it makes more sense to end in California and thats where I would like to end. So maybe I'll follow that route most of the way and then branch off. 

Its a pretty expensive journey and very time consuming. I'm hoping to have either my brother, sister or mom go with me. While they don't suffer from narcolepsy they have to deal with me everyday and I think it would be great for them to be part of this and hopefully it will help them understand what it is I go through. 

I'd like to find some way to contact Mr. Franck Bouyer and let him know what I'm trying to do. That my journey is also for him! 

I still have to figure out how the whole donation thing works. Do I have to be connected with a charity before I start? Can I just collect donations and then hand them over to the research people myself? Is there any way to get the bracelets paid for? I'm not sure if you guys know this but those things are kind of pricey! I figured I'll need a lot to hand out and for just like 10,000 its running a $4,000.00 bill. I don't know about you but that adds an extra ton to what I have to save for the trip already. I'm not saying I wont because I'm more than willing to! I'd just like to make the trip before I'm 50 and with the money I make saving is kind of hard for me. To get the $4,000 for just the bracelets well thats going to take awhile. Then I need the bike and the cost of the actual trip. Maybe I'll have to postpone my starting date....although thats really not something I want to do.

You see I know me and for those of you that actually know me we know that I'm an idea person. Everything I see, hear, and read sparks an idea. Because I have ideas constantly flowing it usually means that about 99% of them stay just ideas. I jump to the next idea before having time to follow through with the first one. I don't want this to become one of those ideas that got skipped over!

This is something I really want to do! It something thats really important to me!

If anyone has any ideas for my trip or raising money or anything let me know! I appreciate it!

I like the idea........

So I've come to the conclusion that I like the idea...........of a lot of things. But when it comes to actually liking something I'm not so for it. Does that sound weird? Here let me help you understand.


I always thought I wanted to live on the beach. I used to tell my mom all the time that I was going to move to Florida! Sounds great having grown up near Chicago. No cold winters and you can be at the beach 24/7....very nice. : ) Recently I've decided that while I love the idea of the beach I don't actually love the beach. Sure its beautiful and hot....but just in case you aren't aware the sun is BRUTAL!!!! I was on the beach for about 3 or 4 hours one day and I got the worst sunburn of my life. I mean my head got puffy, it killed me to wear clothes. I went like 3 days without a bra it hurt so bad. Then you got the sand. I hate and I mean absolutely hate being sandy. You get sandy,  you go in the water to wash it off and then BAM you're sandy all over again. Not so much fun if you ask me!

Then we have sports. Now I like to think I'm a sports fan, I keep up with basketball, I know when the superbowls going on and whose in it (most of the time) and I know that the Blackhawks just won the Stanley Cup.....YAY CHICAGO! I always think to myself that I would like to play tennis. I mean how hard could it be smacking a ball over a net. Note to self....chasing that little yellow ball all over that court....not so much fun : (  I always think playing golf looks like something I'd like to try but when you really think about it....why in the world would you want to smack a tiny ball as hard as you can just to have to go track it down to do the same thing all over again. Now I'm not going to lie given the chance I'd still like to try playing a real game of golf but I have a feeling I will end up liking the idea of golf more than playing golf. Same goes with just about every sport I can think of.

Exercising........fun! I always think this is it I'm going to lose the weight. I'm going to wake up early and walk every morning. Then I'm going to swim a bunch of laps and do yard work. I'll be shedding the pound in no time : ) But again I think I like the idea of doing all those things more than I like doing them. Now I don't know if its just because I'm a round person but walking doesn't really appeal to me. Its like those people that go mall walking....why would I want to walk around the mall to look at stuff I can't buy? Wouldn't you rather be at home playing wii or something?

Is it just me? I have this I like the idea..... problem with just about everything. Like starting college. I love the idea. I think about the classes and what I'll do afterwards and all the clubs I want to join. It all sounds so great in my head. Then it comes time to actually do something and surprise, surprise its not as great as it was in my head. SO I like the idea of it but I don't actually like IT!

Summer Time!

Today is June 7th and I've decided that this summer is not going to be like every other summer. I know I've said that to myself every year from the past 10 years of my life but this time I mean it. Usually my summer consist of waking up late, laying my the pool, watching TV or playing online, work then bed. Not very productive. I'm tired of just lounging around and not having anything to show for the whole 3 months of summer. This years going to be different!

I've decided that I want to take a dance class or jazzercise. I love to dance but I don't like to do things alone and no one I know thats around seems to share my love of dance. Therefore finding someone to take a class with me is not the easiest thing to do. But I've decided to suck it up and I'm either going to have to sucker someone into taking it with me or I'm going to do it alone. Either way I'm going to do it! I'm leaning more towards Jazzercise that way I also get my workout in at the same time. : ) Good plan right!

Next I think I'll spend more time outside. I know that sounds kind of weird it being the summer and all but if you know me its a much need goal. Since the invention of air condition I find it more convenient to sit inside where its cool and play online or watch TV. You have no idea how many days of my life I've wasted this way : (  So I don't know exactly how I'm going to go about accomplishing this but it is something I'm going to do. Maybe I'll try getting a killer tan this summer : ) It will be like killing two birds with one stone! My yard could also use a little....okay...maybe a lot of work. I suppose I could try to squeeze some yard work in with my tanning.

I've always wanted to volunteer. When I was in high school they had these clubs that were all about volunteering and I wanted to join so bad but I never did....why? Because I don't like doing things by myself and again its not something my friends were into. Now I have tons of spare time and just lounging around is starting to make me crazy. I can't stand not being productive so I figured why not help people! I've been looking through www.volunteermatch.com to find volunteer opportunities both online and around my town. There is a ton! I definitely wont run out of places to volunteer.

The last thing is to cure my doing it alone phobia. I don't know whats wrong with me. I seem to be incapable of doing things by myself....outside of my home and work of course. I always have to have someone go with me, sign up with me, do it with me. I've missed out on doing so many things because I was to afraid to do them by myself. Not anymore! This summer I'm going to find a way to fix whatevers wrong with me.


Wish me luck!