Planner! If I could use one word to describe myself that would be it. PLANNER!
I make lists, I research...I plan. Its what I'm good at, you know besides arguing and complaining. Being a planner really isn't a bad thing at all. In fact its kind of a good thing. I stay organized, I know what I want and need to do. So why blog about it?
I was listening to Morning Coach a few minutes ago and it always makes me think. JB, the guy who does Morning Coach, always talks about making dream boards and how you have to get out there and ENJOY LIFE! That you have to live in the now. I very much agree with this. You should live in the now because you never know if there will be a tomorrow. Its kind of like how you shouldn't worry because at the end of the day either what you worried about was going to happen anyways and you spent your time worrying instead of doing something productive or it doesn't happen and you worried for nothing. You can't just plan and plan and never do! Whats the point?
I make dream boards, to do lists, 101 in 1001 lists, the to do before I die lists and for what? I mean if I actually took some initiative and acted on those lists it would be great but I don't. I sit around and complain about how I don't have money, that I'm bored, or overweight. I hang around and wait for someone else to have time to take me out instead of finding a way to go out and take care of my problems myself.
There is no reason I shouldn't be able to live the life I want to live. So whats holding me back? I'm a planner.....not a doer. I need to switch to active mode and start working on making some of my dreams reality!
At the end of the day there is you and theres YOU! You're the reason your life isn't the way you want it to be. So now that I've accepted that I just need to figure out how to work with it and get things done. : )
Thursday, May 20, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
Seems Like Yesterday.......
My brother will be 18 in one week from today! WOW! Its so weird to think about how grown up him and my sister are. Seems like just yesterday I was the tallest out of all of us. I thought they would be short forever. : ) But not anymore.....now my brother towers over me and even my sister has an inch or so on me. I'm no longer the smartest one or the tallest one. I'm not the one who has to take care of them anymore. I'll always be there because they're my little brother and sister but now they can fend for themselves.
Now they have their own stuff going on and they're own real problems. My sister even has her own bills......and its killing her! She hates that part of being a grown up. : ) Its so strange to think that in just a few weeks my brother will be graduating for high school. He isn't a little boy anymore....a punk maybe....but he's a man! WEIRD!!!!
He's not that little boy I used to wrestle with when we fought. He's not that little boy that cried when our parents fought. He's not that little boy that hated getting up early to go to football practice. He's not that little boy we had to drag out of bed in the morning in order to get him on the bus with us at 6:52 in the morning. He's not that sweet little boy that got picked on for being chubby.
Now he's that grown man that borrows money to buy the girl he likes flowers for her birthday. He's that grown man that wishes he could call off work every other day. He's that grown man comes and goes as he pleases. He's that grown man that takes responsibility for his mistakes and tries to make the best of the situation when most people would run away. He's that grown man that works out religiously. He's that grown man I love and have grown to respect maybe even admire.
He's not that little boy I used to wrestle with when we fought. He's not that little boy that cried when our parents fought. He's not that little boy that hated getting up early to go to football practice. He's not that little boy we had to drag out of bed in the morning in order to get him on the bus with us at 6:52 in the morning. He's not that sweet little boy that got picked on for being chubby.
Now he's that grown man that borrows money to buy the girl he likes flowers for her birthday. He's that grown man that wishes he could call off work every other day. He's that grown man comes and goes as he pleases. He's that grown man that takes responsibility for his mistakes and tries to make the best of the situation when most people would run away. He's that grown man that works out religiously. He's that grown man I love and have grown to respect maybe even admire.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
~Left Behind~
I was just chatting with one of the girls I went to high school with and I found out that she's pregnant! Super exciting isn't it? I'm happy for her : ) So why are we blogging? I've decided to blog today because I feel kind of left behind.
I grew up with these kids. We went to school together, hung out together after school, we had sleep overs! Some of these kids I've known since I was in kindergarden. I mean come on that is a LONG time. 3 years ago I graduated from high school. ( I know, I know it doesn't seem that long) I put off college due to a series of unfortunate events. In that time my sister graduated high school and now my little brother is getting ready to graduate. I'm just now starting school. YAY for me!
It used to bother me a lot that I had not yet started college. I mean all my friends went off to college right after we graduated or they moved or did something BIG! I stayed here with my parentals. Now a bunch of the girls I went to high school with are having babys and getting married or they have babies and are already married. So not only did I stay behind when they went off to school now I'm behind in the whole being a grown up thing to I guess.
I really don't feel like much has changed....you know besides the fact that I can legally buy alcohol. But other than that I'm still the same old me. I work at the same job I had in high school, I live with my family same as I did in high school, my best friends the same person it was in high school. I still talk to the people from high school. But not all of them! They've grown up. They went off to school....most of them will be graduating from college next year! They got married, they had babies, they became adults and I think I was just left behind. : (
I grew up with these kids. We went to school together, hung out together after school, we had sleep overs! Some of these kids I've known since I was in kindergarden. I mean come on that is a LONG time. 3 years ago I graduated from high school. ( I know, I know it doesn't seem that long) I put off college due to a series of unfortunate events. In that time my sister graduated high school and now my little brother is getting ready to graduate. I'm just now starting school. YAY for me!
It used to bother me a lot that I had not yet started college. I mean all my friends went off to college right after we graduated or they moved or did something BIG! I stayed here with my parentals. Now a bunch of the girls I went to high school with are having babys and getting married or they have babies and are already married. So not only did I stay behind when they went off to school now I'm behind in the whole being a grown up thing to I guess.
I really don't feel like much has changed....you know besides the fact that I can legally buy alcohol. But other than that I'm still the same old me. I work at the same job I had in high school, I live with my family same as I did in high school, my best friends the same person it was in high school. I still talk to the people from high school. But not all of them! They've grown up. They went off to school....most of them will be graduating from college next year! They got married, they had babies, they became adults and I think I was just left behind. : (
Sunday, May 9, 2010
Book swaping
I love to read! A few months ago I found an amazing website www.paperbackswap.com. It lets me post books I own and then alerts me when someone on the site wants that book. I then send it out, paying for postage and when that book is received by whomever requested it I get a credit. I can then go and request books. 1 book per 1 credit. Its really nifty if you read a lot.
I used to go into the Boarders and I could walk about having spent $50.00 easy. I know that doesn't seem like a lot to most people but to me thats a ton of money, especially when you're just buying a couple books. Now with this website I don't have to buy my books anymore. I enjoy it a lot.
It also works about pretty good for me because I have a ton of books and an amazing memory. Having an amazing memory I never have to reread a book. I can pick up a book I've read, look at the cover and remember exactly what the book was about. Rereading also doesn't suit me because I read to find out whats going to happen next. Being able to remember kind of takes the fun out of wanting to know what happens next.
Right now I'm working on collecting enough credits so I can switch them over to www.swapadvd.com That way I can get rid of my books that I don't want and trade them in for DVDs! Yeah buddy!!
Time to go get all by books out so I can post them and trade them!
I used to go into the Boarders and I could walk about having spent $50.00 easy. I know that doesn't seem like a lot to most people but to me thats a ton of money, especially when you're just buying a couple books. Now with this website I don't have to buy my books anymore. I enjoy it a lot.
It also works about pretty good for me because I have a ton of books and an amazing memory. Having an amazing memory I never have to reread a book. I can pick up a book I've read, look at the cover and remember exactly what the book was about. Rereading also doesn't suit me because I read to find out whats going to happen next. Being able to remember kind of takes the fun out of wanting to know what happens next.
Right now I'm working on collecting enough credits so I can switch them over to www.swapadvd.com That way I can get rid of my books that I don't want and trade them in for DVDs! Yeah buddy!!
Time to go get all by books out so I can post them and trade them!
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Its a Mental Thing!
If you ever talk to me I'm sure I seem fairly normal but the more you get to know me the more you would realize that I'm not really that normal at all. But whose to say what normal is really? So I guess I'm not what my idea of normal is and I'm totally okay with that. : )
My brain seems to work on overtime and I'm not just talking a little over time I'm talking....if I was paid for the amount of overtime my brain does I'd be a billionaire! Besides working on overtime me and my brain seem to jump back and forth when it comes to taking sides on any sort of issue. So if I ever talk to you or you read something I wrote and I go on and on about feeling one way about a topic don't be mad when we chat later on and I've totally changed my opinion.
Anyways that being said.....I think being happy is a mental thing! I don't believe in depression although sometimes I think I feel depressed. (See why I told you about my brain?) Having gone threw a lot of stuff this past couple years I've finally decided that its time to be happy. I've wasted way to much time being angry or sad. I guess when I say that I should let you know that when I get angry or upset I don't get mad for days and hold grudges. I get super mad, like slamming doors and throwing stuff, this can last for a few minutes to a few hours. Then I nap and I wake up and I'm totally good. Usually I wake up and I feel bad for having gotten so upset because I'm really mean to my family when I get like that. It makes me feel even worse that not only was I really mean but it was over something so dumb I shouldn't have even been mad in the first place! I could go on about this for a long time so we'll just leave it at I have anger issues : (
So where was I? Oh yeah.......having decided to get happy actually has been working for me. I'd be lying if I told you that I never got mad because I still do. I've just managed to gain a little bit more control over it. I've also gotten a lot better at the apologizing after I'm mean thing. I don't like saying sorry because that would mean admitting that I was wrong in the first place when a lot of the times the issue that caused me to get mad I wasn't wrong about it was just the extent to which I blew up that I was wrong about. Does that make sense? I also don't like to apologize because you can only hear sorry so many times before it looses its sincerity and at the rate I freak out SORRY would be a very popular word in my vocabulary. I know it sounds bad but I try to limit my sorrys to when I really feel that I was in the wrong. So....having gotten better at controlling my temper and apologizing I've been a lot happier. I think its because a lot of the things that were making me unhappy where all in my head....or well maybe not all in my head but they had to do with a lot of the stuff going on in my head....confused?
Before I was angry because everyone thought I was so horrible. This is not something I'm used to! People usually like me and I get a long with just about everyone so when I come across someone that doesn't like me it bothers me a lot. I know, I know not everyone will like you! But when you go from getting along with everyone to having everyone think your the biggest bitch they've met well thats kind of horrible. I think for a long time I was in denial which made things even worse. Having people not like me made me angry at my sister because they all thought she was so great. Which made me even angrier because she's just as mean as I am she just does it on the down low so people think she's sweet. I still think that people don't realize she is mean but I've learned that most of my problems I brought on myself. It wasn't fair to blame her for people not liking me. People didn't like me because I was a bitch! As much as it pains me to say it I was horrible to be around. Looking back I wouldn't have wanted to hangout with me either. I was bitter and always had something to complain about. Who wants to be around someone that does nothing but complain?
The more people told me how horrible I was being the more I tried to deny it or turn it around so I could tell them that they're in no place to judge me when they're just as bad as I am. I didn't like being told I was a negative person or that I always complain. It made me feel bad because thats not how I am at all. In fact my friends used to mess with me because I was abnormally HAPPY all the time! So after hearing it enough I decided that being unhappy was all on me. I was making myself miserable and it was up to me to fix it!
So now I've decided to get happy and its working! I go out with my sister and its a lot more fun...we laugh a lot. I go out with my brother once in awhile and we don't argue or anything we just chat and its fun too. I can be around all the people that I felt didn't like talking to me and be nice and friendly and we get a long too. Choosing to be happy also makes work a lot more pleasant! I still have a little ways to go but so far choosing to be happy is working out great. : ) It really is all a mental thing!
My brain seems to work on overtime and I'm not just talking a little over time I'm talking....if I was paid for the amount of overtime my brain does I'd be a billionaire! Besides working on overtime me and my brain seem to jump back and forth when it comes to taking sides on any sort of issue. So if I ever talk to you or you read something I wrote and I go on and on about feeling one way about a topic don't be mad when we chat later on and I've totally changed my opinion.
Anyways that being said.....I think being happy is a mental thing! I don't believe in depression although sometimes I think I feel depressed. (See why I told you about my brain?) Having gone threw a lot of stuff this past couple years I've finally decided that its time to be happy. I've wasted way to much time being angry or sad. I guess when I say that I should let you know that when I get angry or upset I don't get mad for days and hold grudges. I get super mad, like slamming doors and throwing stuff, this can last for a few minutes to a few hours. Then I nap and I wake up and I'm totally good. Usually I wake up and I feel bad for having gotten so upset because I'm really mean to my family when I get like that. It makes me feel even worse that not only was I really mean but it was over something so dumb I shouldn't have even been mad in the first place! I could go on about this for a long time so we'll just leave it at I have anger issues : (
So where was I? Oh yeah.......having decided to get happy actually has been working for me. I'd be lying if I told you that I never got mad because I still do. I've just managed to gain a little bit more control over it. I've also gotten a lot better at the apologizing after I'm mean thing. I don't like saying sorry because that would mean admitting that I was wrong in the first place when a lot of the times the issue that caused me to get mad I wasn't wrong about it was just the extent to which I blew up that I was wrong about. Does that make sense? I also don't like to apologize because you can only hear sorry so many times before it looses its sincerity and at the rate I freak out SORRY would be a very popular word in my vocabulary. I know it sounds bad but I try to limit my sorrys to when I really feel that I was in the wrong. So....having gotten better at controlling my temper and apologizing I've been a lot happier. I think its because a lot of the things that were making me unhappy where all in my head....or well maybe not all in my head but they had to do with a lot of the stuff going on in my head....confused?
Before I was angry because everyone thought I was so horrible. This is not something I'm used to! People usually like me and I get a long with just about everyone so when I come across someone that doesn't like me it bothers me a lot. I know, I know not everyone will like you! But when you go from getting along with everyone to having everyone think your the biggest bitch they've met well thats kind of horrible. I think for a long time I was in denial which made things even worse. Having people not like me made me angry at my sister because they all thought she was so great. Which made me even angrier because she's just as mean as I am she just does it on the down low so people think she's sweet. I still think that people don't realize she is mean but I've learned that most of my problems I brought on myself. It wasn't fair to blame her for people not liking me. People didn't like me because I was a bitch! As much as it pains me to say it I was horrible to be around. Looking back I wouldn't have wanted to hangout with me either. I was bitter and always had something to complain about. Who wants to be around someone that does nothing but complain?
The more people told me how horrible I was being the more I tried to deny it or turn it around so I could tell them that they're in no place to judge me when they're just as bad as I am. I didn't like being told I was a negative person or that I always complain. It made me feel bad because thats not how I am at all. In fact my friends used to mess with me because I was abnormally HAPPY all the time! So after hearing it enough I decided that being unhappy was all on me. I was making myself miserable and it was up to me to fix it!
So now I've decided to get happy and its working! I go out with my sister and its a lot more fun...we laugh a lot. I go out with my brother once in awhile and we don't argue or anything we just chat and its fun too. I can be around all the people that I felt didn't like talking to me and be nice and friendly and we get a long too. Choosing to be happy also makes work a lot more pleasant! I still have a little ways to go but so far choosing to be happy is working out great. : ) It really is all a mental thing!
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