I love reading blogs! I just read a blog I think it was called Katieblog but I'm not positive. Anyways I left her a comment about her blog and it inspired me to write this so everyone will know exactly why I enjoy reading and writing blogs.
Why do I write?
I blog because it keeps me sane! I have so much going on in my head constantly and if you think I'm kidding ask my mom. I talk to her a lot about all the stuff constantly running through my mind and I boggle her brain all the time! People have such a hard time keeping up with me when I talk, when I really get going that I find it so much easier to write it out. Whether anyone can understand what I'm talking about when I blog is a totally different issue! So because my mind works on overdrive I find blogging gives me a way to tell everyone what I'm thinking without having to boggle anyones brains!
Why do I read?
I read blogs because I love how honest they are! You can stand face to face with someone and think you know them, come to find out you really don't know as much as you think. Has anyone ever had that happen to them? Well in the blogs people are so honest talking about their lives, problems, opinions, experiences that you get to know the real them. Its amazing to me how you can read someone blog and feel like you know them better than anyone you've ever met face to face. I think that is so cool!
Saturday, December 19, 2009
Tuesday, December 15, 2009
Sometimes....Lifes just not fair.....DEAL WITH IT!!
Why is it that no matter how hard you try to better things for yourself the harder things seem to get? You pay down that huge stack of bills and what shows up the next day? A ticket! Obviously if you had the money to pay the ticket you would but what happens when you don't it goes to $300.00. Okay now you really don't have the money to pay the ticket so you don't now what happens? That crap goes to $1,000.00. Well guess what thats BULLSHIT!!!!!
If people had money to pay their bills they would! Okay maybe not all of them but most of them. And I'm sure you can tell those ones that wouldn't based on past payment records. Things aren't great right now, you know, times are tough and whats happening? Companys are making it even harder for us! I'm not going to say all companies because thats not true. Some companies are very willing to work with you in tough times. But most of them, the bigger ones in particular are horrible when it comes to helping the people. Lets take credit card companies, okay so you used the money they give you knowing you would have to pay it back. Thats totally 1000% understood when you get one. Then major bummer you're out of work for awhile. What do credit card companies do? They tack on a $40.00 late fee adding to that amount you already have spent on your card which puts you over your limit which adds a $40.00 over limit fee. Okay great now not only do you have the money you spent but you have $80.00 in crap fees. Say your out of work 3 months. Well damn thats $280.00 but not only is it all that money in crap fees now your minimum payments in like $500.00. SERIOUSLY!!!! Don't you think if we had the money to pay we would? You have a customer who pays their bills on time every month for years and now he misses a few payments and bam you just screwed him good! Thats such crap!!!
I know, I know its not all their fault. They have special programs you can sign up for so when something like that happens you don't have to worry. Well we did have the on one of our credit cards and guess what, times get bad and nothing. They give you some lame ass excuse as to why they wont help you. Oh that insurance crap just covers this kind of hardship sorry your not included. Then they hound you for that $500.00 minimum payment. Really is that necessary? As if people aren't depressed enough getting those bills or that stack they have on their desk that just piles up and up. Or maybe your like my parents who have been going through such a hard time they don't even open the mail anymore.
Then theirs companies who hound you to make a payment and then when you call to do so they tell you that paying over the phone will be a $5.00 fee. Or in my families case they don't even tell you that! They want their money so bad that they run up their phone bills calling every 5 minutes but when you call to make a payment they find in necessary to charge you even more. You call to give them their money and its like their punishing you! Obviously they don't want it that damn bad!!
I just don't understand why everything always gets harder. People don't want to work with you they want to work against you, or so it seems to me! Everyone wants you to be nice but nice people always get taken advantage of. I just don't see the point! I think things seriously need to change. Maybe I should right the president!
I don't want to sound like a huge complainer because I really don't mean to be. I know there are people who try to help and companies that do everything they can to help.
It's kind of like this....I've tried to be a good person. I always got good grades, I had every intention of going to college, I don't nor did I ever party. Don't drink, don't smoke, don't do any kind of illegal drugs. I help my family with their bills and such. I stick up for my friends and my family. I'm a great employee, I do my job the best I can. I go to church, I donate money, I help people when I can. I have so many things I want to do to help people its amazing. The big thing I wish I could do is to create a community center, a place kids, teens, even young adults can go. That will keep them safe, and engaged so they aren't out doing things they shouldn' t be doing. I recycle hardcore, I collect aluminum cans, I even collect the recycling from my work. Obviously I have my flaws like every other human being on the planet but I'd have to say for a 20 year old person I'm not doing so bad. So why do I always feel like bad things are happening to me?
All that good and what happens to me? I find out that I have a severe case of narcolepsy with a slight case of cataplexy. This disorder has impacted my life so much it isn't even fair! I've had to put off school, I can't drive, I don't hangout with friends very much, I can't stay up late like kids my age do because it messes up my sleep cycle for like a week. What did I do? I didn't even see the narcolepsy as such a bad thing. I try to look at the positives. It lets me think and sleep like other people or incapable of doing. I had a really bad accident and lost my license but it was like a blessing in disguise because that night I could have been killed as well as the other young guy whose car I hit. I don't have money to go to school and I really want to go. Then I find out that these rich kids I know who spend all their time partying have rich daddies who are not only paying for their school but also for their apartment while they are in school. Can you say unfair? My family helps anyone who needs it, is always there for everyone, and what happens? I just found out that January 2nd, 2010 we will be loosing our house. AWESOME ISN'T IT?
Sometimes I just can't help but feel like God is punishing me for something. I know everything happens for a reason and what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. But you can only go through so much before you start thinking what did I do to deserve this?
I'm narcoleptic, I'm always broke, the little bit of money I do get goes towards helping my parents with bills, my dad's been out of work for over a year and he's always depressed so he wont get up and find work, when he does get up its to help his buddies or get drunk, he gets drunk and he is super mean to me and the rest of my family, my brother steals my money and takes my things without asking, I pay for gas and then I get in to take the car to work and its on check gage, I don't hang around with any of my friends, I've gotten to be so round its not even funny. I'm getting read to loose the place I've called home for the last 15 years, my mom is on probation and having a very hard time paying her monthly money so I always have to worry about whether she'll be going to jail or not. I lost my license, I totaled my car 2 months after I bought it, I'm paying back a $20,000 loan that I didn't even spend. My parents always tell me their depressed and don't want to talk about the situation were in which just puts more weight on my shoulders because I get to take on whatever problem they wont face. These things aren't things that 20 year old kids should have to deal with. I know your supposed to take care of your parents, I mean after all they took care of you for your 18 years. But what you have to understand is that my parents aren't like nursing home old. My parents are in their late forties early fifties, still fully capable of taking care of themselves. To top it all off I'm taking care of a brother and sister who are adults themselves!
How can anyone deal with so much and then be happy?
You have to know that I try my best to be. I'm always trying to think of ways to help or better my situation but really you can only do so much before you just give up! How can I help myself and the 4 other people I live with if nobody else is willing to help themselves or me?
ALRIGHT I THINK I'VE DONE ENOUGH COMPLAINING FOR RIGHT NOW!
If people had money to pay their bills they would! Okay maybe not all of them but most of them. And I'm sure you can tell those ones that wouldn't based on past payment records. Things aren't great right now, you know, times are tough and whats happening? Companys are making it even harder for us! I'm not going to say all companies because thats not true. Some companies are very willing to work with you in tough times. But most of them, the bigger ones in particular are horrible when it comes to helping the people. Lets take credit card companies, okay so you used the money they give you knowing you would have to pay it back. Thats totally 1000% understood when you get one. Then major bummer you're out of work for awhile. What do credit card companies do? They tack on a $40.00 late fee adding to that amount you already have spent on your card which puts you over your limit which adds a $40.00 over limit fee. Okay great now not only do you have the money you spent but you have $80.00 in crap fees. Say your out of work 3 months. Well damn thats $280.00 but not only is it all that money in crap fees now your minimum payments in like $500.00. SERIOUSLY!!!! Don't you think if we had the money to pay we would? You have a customer who pays their bills on time every month for years and now he misses a few payments and bam you just screwed him good! Thats such crap!!!
I know, I know its not all their fault. They have special programs you can sign up for so when something like that happens you don't have to worry. Well we did have the on one of our credit cards and guess what, times get bad and nothing. They give you some lame ass excuse as to why they wont help you. Oh that insurance crap just covers this kind of hardship sorry your not included. Then they hound you for that $500.00 minimum payment. Really is that necessary? As if people aren't depressed enough getting those bills or that stack they have on their desk that just piles up and up. Or maybe your like my parents who have been going through such a hard time they don't even open the mail anymore.
Then theirs companies who hound you to make a payment and then when you call to do so they tell you that paying over the phone will be a $5.00 fee. Or in my families case they don't even tell you that! They want their money so bad that they run up their phone bills calling every 5 minutes but when you call to make a payment they find in necessary to charge you even more. You call to give them their money and its like their punishing you! Obviously they don't want it that damn bad!!
I just don't understand why everything always gets harder. People don't want to work with you they want to work against you, or so it seems to me! Everyone wants you to be nice but nice people always get taken advantage of. I just don't see the point! I think things seriously need to change. Maybe I should right the president!
I don't want to sound like a huge complainer because I really don't mean to be. I know there are people who try to help and companies that do everything they can to help.
It's kind of like this....I've tried to be a good person. I always got good grades, I had every intention of going to college, I don't nor did I ever party. Don't drink, don't smoke, don't do any kind of illegal drugs. I help my family with their bills and such. I stick up for my friends and my family. I'm a great employee, I do my job the best I can. I go to church, I donate money, I help people when I can. I have so many things I want to do to help people its amazing. The big thing I wish I could do is to create a community center, a place kids, teens, even young adults can go. That will keep them safe, and engaged so they aren't out doing things they shouldn' t be doing. I recycle hardcore, I collect aluminum cans, I even collect the recycling from my work. Obviously I have my flaws like every other human being on the planet but I'd have to say for a 20 year old person I'm not doing so bad. So why do I always feel like bad things are happening to me?
All that good and what happens to me? I find out that I have a severe case of narcolepsy with a slight case of cataplexy. This disorder has impacted my life so much it isn't even fair! I've had to put off school, I can't drive, I don't hangout with friends very much, I can't stay up late like kids my age do because it messes up my sleep cycle for like a week. What did I do? I didn't even see the narcolepsy as such a bad thing. I try to look at the positives. It lets me think and sleep like other people or incapable of doing. I had a really bad accident and lost my license but it was like a blessing in disguise because that night I could have been killed as well as the other young guy whose car I hit. I don't have money to go to school and I really want to go. Then I find out that these rich kids I know who spend all their time partying have rich daddies who are not only paying for their school but also for their apartment while they are in school. Can you say unfair? My family helps anyone who needs it, is always there for everyone, and what happens? I just found out that January 2nd, 2010 we will be loosing our house. AWESOME ISN'T IT?
Sometimes I just can't help but feel like God is punishing me for something. I know everything happens for a reason and what doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. But you can only go through so much before you start thinking what did I do to deserve this?
I'm narcoleptic, I'm always broke, the little bit of money I do get goes towards helping my parents with bills, my dad's been out of work for over a year and he's always depressed so he wont get up and find work, when he does get up its to help his buddies or get drunk, he gets drunk and he is super mean to me and the rest of my family, my brother steals my money and takes my things without asking, I pay for gas and then I get in to take the car to work and its on check gage, I don't hang around with any of my friends, I've gotten to be so round its not even funny. I'm getting read to loose the place I've called home for the last 15 years, my mom is on probation and having a very hard time paying her monthly money so I always have to worry about whether she'll be going to jail or not. I lost my license, I totaled my car 2 months after I bought it, I'm paying back a $20,000 loan that I didn't even spend. My parents always tell me their depressed and don't want to talk about the situation were in which just puts more weight on my shoulders because I get to take on whatever problem they wont face. These things aren't things that 20 year old kids should have to deal with. I know your supposed to take care of your parents, I mean after all they took care of you for your 18 years. But what you have to understand is that my parents aren't like nursing home old. My parents are in their late forties early fifties, still fully capable of taking care of themselves. To top it all off I'm taking care of a brother and sister who are adults themselves!
How can anyone deal with so much and then be happy?
You have to know that I try my best to be. I'm always trying to think of ways to help or better my situation but really you can only do so much before you just give up! How can I help myself and the 4 other people I live with if nobody else is willing to help themselves or me?
ALRIGHT I THINK I'VE DONE ENOUGH COMPLAINING FOR RIGHT NOW!
Thursday, November 26, 2009
~Happy Thanksgiving~
Being Thanksgiving I thought it was only appropriate that I write a blog about the things that I am thankful for! Before I do that I want to share something with everybody.
Last Sunday I went to church and the pastor was talking about a man who had come home to find out that he had been robbed. Now I don't remember the story word for word so I'm just going to give you the major part I remember. This man who had just been robbed started talking about all the things he was thankful for. He talked about how he was thankful that in being robbed of possession they did not rob him of his life. That he was thankful he didn't have much so he didn't loose much. There was a lot more but it just makes you kind of step back and think....wow! This man has just been robbed of what little possessions he did have and he stands there thanking God! Takes a really good person to be able to stand up in such a bad situation and not only look at the good but thank God for it!
That being said let me tell you what I'm thankful for this fine Thursday night!
*I'm thankful that even with these tough times my family was able to have a very nice Thanksgiving dinner.
*I'm thankful that my family is still together, that we've been strong enough to work through this past year and let me tell you it definitely hasn't been a piece of cake.
*I'm thankful that I have a job
*I'm thankful that my family is all in pretty decent health
*I'm thankful to all the people I have supporting me with all the challenges I've faced this past year
*I'm thankful that I found out about my narcolepsy before it cause me to hurt myself or someone else
*I'm thankful that even being a rounder person I'm in very good health
*I'm thankful that I still have a roof over my head and a place to call home
*I'm thankful that even though I have my bad days when I do and say some pretty unacceptable things that God has my back and he understands and forgives
Really I'm thankful for so much I could probably go on forever! But I guess blogging about it doesn't really do much good does it? I'll have to start acting like I appreciate everything I have before its to late!
Most people take their lives and everybody in them for granted but really you never know if you'll have another tomorrow. So make sure you let people you care about know how thankful you are to have them in your life!
Last Sunday I went to church and the pastor was talking about a man who had come home to find out that he had been robbed. Now I don't remember the story word for word so I'm just going to give you the major part I remember. This man who had just been robbed started talking about all the things he was thankful for. He talked about how he was thankful that in being robbed of possession they did not rob him of his life. That he was thankful he didn't have much so he didn't loose much. There was a lot more but it just makes you kind of step back and think....wow! This man has just been robbed of what little possessions he did have and he stands there thanking God! Takes a really good person to be able to stand up in such a bad situation and not only look at the good but thank God for it!
That being said let me tell you what I'm thankful for this fine Thursday night!
*I'm thankful that even with these tough times my family was able to have a very nice Thanksgiving dinner.
*I'm thankful that my family is still together, that we've been strong enough to work through this past year and let me tell you it definitely hasn't been a piece of cake.
*I'm thankful that I have a job
*I'm thankful that my family is all in pretty decent health
*I'm thankful to all the people I have supporting me with all the challenges I've faced this past year
*I'm thankful that I found out about my narcolepsy before it cause me to hurt myself or someone else
*I'm thankful that even being a rounder person I'm in very good health
*I'm thankful that I still have a roof over my head and a place to call home
*I'm thankful that even though I have my bad days when I do and say some pretty unacceptable things that God has my back and he understands and forgives
Really I'm thankful for so much I could probably go on forever! But I guess blogging about it doesn't really do much good does it? I'll have to start acting like I appreciate everything I have before its to late!
Most people take their lives and everybody in them for granted but really you never know if you'll have another tomorrow. So make sure you let people you care about know how thankful you are to have them in your life!
Thursday, November 19, 2009
Family...can't live with them...never want to live without them!
Today I went to lunch with my mom, a very typical and frequent outing for us, but today she told me something that I have never heard before. Today she told me that my brother was having suicidal thoughts. That is something nobody ever wants to hear! When she told me this it made me want to cry, I didn't because I don't like to show much emotion but I wanted to.
I'm 20 years old and I have a 17 year old brother. My brother and I have never really seen eye to eye on anything. We have our days where we get along and we go out together occasionally but nothing close to friendship. I also have a 19 year old sister, we are very close. I hang out with my sister all the time she's like one of my best friends. I tell her everything and I know she tells me everything. We argue sometimes but nothing major and we always make up super quick. My brother and sister are a little closer than my brother and I. They talk and hangout together more, I think its because they are closer in age and know a lot of the same people, kind of like my sister and I. But still they aren't super close. My brother and my mom on the other hand are like best friends. They are together all the time and they have a pretty good relationship. My brother and my dad on the other hand barely talk. In fact the only talking they ever do might be when my dad gets drunk and says mean stuff to my brother.
Now that you all know about my brothers relationships with all of us let me fill you in a little more. My brother has always had a hard time in school. He is a smart kid but when he was younger it took him a little longer to learn to read. He was having some trouble in school and he started getting into a little bit of trouble in school. Nothing to major! My brother was also a pleasantly plump kid growing up but that never stopped him from being involved. He played baseball with the park districted for a couple of years and I think that might have been when being chunky got to him. His freshman year of highschool he played football. He was actually pretty good! I know his asthma made practices hard on him...for those of you who don't know how highschool football works....they have those boys out there practicing 2 or 3 weeks before school starts early in the morning. Then one of the football coaches told my brother not to bother coming out for the team next year. You can imagine how much this would hurt a 15 year old boy! He never admitted it but we all know that it hurt him because sure enough he quit playing football that year. In fact he quit being involved in any kind of extra curricular activities. School didn't get any easier for him either. Teachers always seemed to be a little harder on him, I don't know if its because of my sister and I, or not. My sister and I always made really good grades. Being older than he is we all had a lot of the same teachers. Whatever the reason may have been they always did kind of pick on him!
So we covered school and extra curricular activities having to do with school. Moving on! After quitting football he no longer hung out with the jock kids who were always busy with sports. He made other friends! This time his friends consisted of the stoner kids and the kids that always seem to end up in trouble. I know a lot of them none of them are really bad people. A lot of them are actually very nice they just do a lot of stupid stuff. Well my brother hanging out with these kids started doing a lot more partying. He became way more into girls, I mean what highscool guy isn't into girls, but when your hanging around your buddies who are always talking about all the girls they hook up with kind of puts the pressure on you if you aren't hooking up. So my brother turned into the player!
Now I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea at all. My brother is a good kid. He is very smart he just doesn't apply himself. He is a good worker when given a job to do. He is a very friendly person and he's super sweet. I've seen how he treated his girlfriends and he was super sweet. But when the girls are messing around on him and you put that with the pressure from his buddies what do you expect!
A few months ago we found out that my brother had a HUGE PROBLEM! He had gotten a girl pregnant, or so she says. Being a 17 year old guy this was a lot for him to deal with. But he stood up and took responsibility for it! He told my parents, both of which were not very happy but as supportive as anybody could be in this situation. (until my dad gets drunk that is then my brother gets to hear what a screw up he is) My brother even got up at 7am to go to the doctor with this girl for the ultra sound thing. (the thing where they take a picture of the baby in the belly). He came home with a copy of the picture and it was hung on out refrigerator. I mean seriously what 17 year old boy does that? If you ask me he went above and beyond to take care of the situation. He even brought the girl to our house so we could all meet her, fixed her a plate of breakfast and brought it to her and cleaned up after her. Come to find out that his girl had not only had sex with my brother but about 15 other guys as well. Including my brothers buddy who is currently living with us. I later found out that she had told people that she was going to pin the baby on my brother. I mean seriously what a SLUT! My brother knew all of this and he still tried to do the right thing not even knowing if it was his baby or not! THATS A GREAT KID IF YOU ASK ME!
Since then my brother has tried to help the girl with during her pregnancy but she has been totally nasty to him. She told him that she didn't want him to have anything to do with the baby! I don't think my brother ever really admitted it but we know that having her treat him this way when they could be having a baby together really hurt him. I guess we'll see in March whose baby it is!
My brother has also gotten into some really big trouble over the summer. Going out with a friend one night to do something stupid my brother was driving his friends car and somehow something went terribly wrong and my brother ran over a man. I'm still not totally sure if he knew it and freaked out or if he didn't know he had run over the guy but either way they left the scene of the accident. I know, I know that makes him sound horrible but trust me its a long story and in the end my brother really didn't mean to hurt anyone. The guy had been hanging on the side of a moving car....What do you think is going to happen if you hang onto a moving vehicle? My mom told me that when she went down to the police station she found my brother crying. A 17 year old boy crying in a police station does that sound like a hardened criminal to you? A few days later we found out that they guy hadn't even been severely hurt, that he just suffered from some major road rash I think they called it, in other words he was pretty banged up but nothing serious. After a lot of court dates, worrying, and fighting, my brother was sentenced to be on probation with community service and a few other rules. A short while after the whole incident occurred we found out that the guy my brother had ran over was suing us. He says that he has back injuries and will never be able to lift more than 30 lbs again. GIVE ME A BREAK! Not even a week later my mom and everyone else saw him jumping around on the side of the road. If you had back injuries that were that severe would you be able to jump around like that? I DON'T THINK SO!
Pregnant slut, probation, crappy teachers and coaches, unemployed (he quit because the boss was talking crap about him...I give him props for sticking up for himself), drunken father, and lets not even get started on the financial state we're in right now. You put all that together and its a lot for a 17 year old boy to handle. It hurt me a lot to hear that my brother was having suicidal thoughts. If you have gotten to the end of this you know that he has been through a lot! But trust me when I say my brother really is an amazing person! I don't think he has ever met anybody that didn't instantly know what a good kid he was.
I don't think I could ever tell him but I really am so proud of him! I wish he could see that he has so much more going for him than he thinks he does. He just needs to figure out how to pull it all together!
I'm 20 years old and I have a 17 year old brother. My brother and I have never really seen eye to eye on anything. We have our days where we get along and we go out together occasionally but nothing close to friendship. I also have a 19 year old sister, we are very close. I hang out with my sister all the time she's like one of my best friends. I tell her everything and I know she tells me everything. We argue sometimes but nothing major and we always make up super quick. My brother and sister are a little closer than my brother and I. They talk and hangout together more, I think its because they are closer in age and know a lot of the same people, kind of like my sister and I. But still they aren't super close. My brother and my mom on the other hand are like best friends. They are together all the time and they have a pretty good relationship. My brother and my dad on the other hand barely talk. In fact the only talking they ever do might be when my dad gets drunk and says mean stuff to my brother.
Now that you all know about my brothers relationships with all of us let me fill you in a little more. My brother has always had a hard time in school. He is a smart kid but when he was younger it took him a little longer to learn to read. He was having some trouble in school and he started getting into a little bit of trouble in school. Nothing to major! My brother was also a pleasantly plump kid growing up but that never stopped him from being involved. He played baseball with the park districted for a couple of years and I think that might have been when being chunky got to him. His freshman year of highschool he played football. He was actually pretty good! I know his asthma made practices hard on him...for those of you who don't know how highschool football works....they have those boys out there practicing 2 or 3 weeks before school starts early in the morning. Then one of the football coaches told my brother not to bother coming out for the team next year. You can imagine how much this would hurt a 15 year old boy! He never admitted it but we all know that it hurt him because sure enough he quit playing football that year. In fact he quit being involved in any kind of extra curricular activities. School didn't get any easier for him either. Teachers always seemed to be a little harder on him, I don't know if its because of my sister and I, or not. My sister and I always made really good grades. Being older than he is we all had a lot of the same teachers. Whatever the reason may have been they always did kind of pick on him!
So we covered school and extra curricular activities having to do with school. Moving on! After quitting football he no longer hung out with the jock kids who were always busy with sports. He made other friends! This time his friends consisted of the stoner kids and the kids that always seem to end up in trouble. I know a lot of them none of them are really bad people. A lot of them are actually very nice they just do a lot of stupid stuff. Well my brother hanging out with these kids started doing a lot more partying. He became way more into girls, I mean what highscool guy isn't into girls, but when your hanging around your buddies who are always talking about all the girls they hook up with kind of puts the pressure on you if you aren't hooking up. So my brother turned into the player!
Now I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea at all. My brother is a good kid. He is very smart he just doesn't apply himself. He is a good worker when given a job to do. He is a very friendly person and he's super sweet. I've seen how he treated his girlfriends and he was super sweet. But when the girls are messing around on him and you put that with the pressure from his buddies what do you expect!
A few months ago we found out that my brother had a HUGE PROBLEM! He had gotten a girl pregnant, or so she says. Being a 17 year old guy this was a lot for him to deal with. But he stood up and took responsibility for it! He told my parents, both of which were not very happy but as supportive as anybody could be in this situation. (until my dad gets drunk that is then my brother gets to hear what a screw up he is) My brother even got up at 7am to go to the doctor with this girl for the ultra sound thing. (the thing where they take a picture of the baby in the belly). He came home with a copy of the picture and it was hung on out refrigerator. I mean seriously what 17 year old boy does that? If you ask me he went above and beyond to take care of the situation. He even brought the girl to our house so we could all meet her, fixed her a plate of breakfast and brought it to her and cleaned up after her. Come to find out that his girl had not only had sex with my brother but about 15 other guys as well. Including my brothers buddy who is currently living with us. I later found out that she had told people that she was going to pin the baby on my brother. I mean seriously what a SLUT! My brother knew all of this and he still tried to do the right thing not even knowing if it was his baby or not! THATS A GREAT KID IF YOU ASK ME!
Since then my brother has tried to help the girl with during her pregnancy but she has been totally nasty to him. She told him that she didn't want him to have anything to do with the baby! I don't think my brother ever really admitted it but we know that having her treat him this way when they could be having a baby together really hurt him. I guess we'll see in March whose baby it is!
My brother has also gotten into some really big trouble over the summer. Going out with a friend one night to do something stupid my brother was driving his friends car and somehow something went terribly wrong and my brother ran over a man. I'm still not totally sure if he knew it and freaked out or if he didn't know he had run over the guy but either way they left the scene of the accident. I know, I know that makes him sound horrible but trust me its a long story and in the end my brother really didn't mean to hurt anyone. The guy had been hanging on the side of a moving car....What do you think is going to happen if you hang onto a moving vehicle? My mom told me that when she went down to the police station she found my brother crying. A 17 year old boy crying in a police station does that sound like a hardened criminal to you? A few days later we found out that they guy hadn't even been severely hurt, that he just suffered from some major road rash I think they called it, in other words he was pretty banged up but nothing serious. After a lot of court dates, worrying, and fighting, my brother was sentenced to be on probation with community service and a few other rules. A short while after the whole incident occurred we found out that the guy my brother had ran over was suing us. He says that he has back injuries and will never be able to lift more than 30 lbs again. GIVE ME A BREAK! Not even a week later my mom and everyone else saw him jumping around on the side of the road. If you had back injuries that were that severe would you be able to jump around like that? I DON'T THINK SO!
Pregnant slut, probation, crappy teachers and coaches, unemployed (he quit because the boss was talking crap about him...I give him props for sticking up for himself), drunken father, and lets not even get started on the financial state we're in right now. You put all that together and its a lot for a 17 year old boy to handle. It hurt me a lot to hear that my brother was having suicidal thoughts. If you have gotten to the end of this you know that he has been through a lot! But trust me when I say my brother really is an amazing person! I don't think he has ever met anybody that didn't instantly know what a good kid he was.
I don't think I could ever tell him but I really am so proud of him! I wish he could see that he has so much more going for him than he thinks he does. He just needs to figure out how to pull it all together!
Saturday, October 3, 2009
Day Zero Project and a new home
When I started my Day Zero 101 in 1001 project I thought it would be no problem adding it to my current blog. However after I got started I found that updating it and keeping everything organized was kind of a problem. All of you who are also doing this project were smart in starting a separate blog for it. It is large and important project....it deserves its own space. So that's exactly what I've done. I've given my project its very own space where I can keep it updated and organized.
http://tonyas101in1001.blogspot.com/
Wednesday, September 30, 2009
What Doens't Kill You Only Makes You Stronger!
Ever heard the phrase what doesn't kill you will only make you stronger? Well I have! I've heard it many times throughout my 20 years and trust me I haven't always believed it. Like most people I thought the slightest problem was going to be the end for me. Giving a speech used to seem like the worst thing I would ever have to do in life. I mean seriously who thought of turning public speaking into a class by itself anyways! But speech day came, I got up there in front of the class fidgeting hands and all. Turns out it wasn't the end of my life, in fact it wasn't really that bad. I'm not saying its something I'll ever look forwards to doing but now I know that it definitely wont kill me.
Point is whenever most of us come to a tough spot in life whether it be financially, academically, socially, or any other area we think it is the absolute worse. That there is no way we will ever be able to deal with whatever problem or task has been thrown at us. Most people give up on themselves before they even start. Kids are assigned speeches all the time in school. I don't know about you but when I was in school I dreaded speech day. I figured there was always somebody smarter, better at public speaking, teachers pet, those kids who were good at everything they did so if I was going to suck why spend tons of time worrying about it. I would just put it out of my mind until a couple nights....ok I'm not going to lie usually it was the night before my speech was due and then I'd cram all the work into that one night. I didn't even give myself a chance. Had I spent the time and effort perfecting my project I probably could have kicked butt.
People, myself included, shouldn't be so quick to assume things. In school I always assumed someone was better than me. So why try so hard when I'd never be top of the class? People get bills knowing they don't have the money to pay them and assume nothing can be done when in reality all you have to do is make a few phone calls and chances are there is something that can be done to help you better the situation. People are laid off from jobs they've had for 20 years. They look around at whats going on with the economy assume since they were laid off from their job they wont be able to get another one. I mean after all times are tough right!
WRONG!!!! You should never assume anything when it is not in your favor. When a problem is thrown at you look at it as a learning experience....a challenge! After all people don't grow if they don't challenge themselves. I'm a firm believer that everything happens for a reason. I'm also a hardcore believer that you will never be given an obstacle that you can't overcome.
I know people think I just talk from no experience and sometimes I do but with this I definitely know what I am talking about. This past year has been really hard on my family. My dad who is self employed usually makes really good money doing siding work. He's been self employed for about 13 years and we've never had a year this bad. Like a lot of families we've fallen behind on bills, caught up and then fallen behind again. We've received disconnection notices and had those days where we searched the cabinets knowing we weren't going to find anything to eat. But no matter how bad things have gotten at the end of the day we still have our house, our cars, and each other. My dad still has his business and we're hoping things will get better. Until then I'll keep taking care of the bills I can.
This year has been nothing but challenges for me and my family. My mom had her 3rd heart attack that taught me to appreciate the time I have with people I care about. Saying we don't argue any more would be a lie but I definitely appreciate her a lot more and I try not to let the little stuff bother me as much. Giving up all my extra money to take care of my families bills has given me a new appreciation for money. Now I think twice before blowing my money on all the little crap that I see and think I absolutely need to have.
Sunday, September 27, 2009
101 in 1001 Updates
2 days into the project and I think things are going pretty well. So far I've signed up to volunteer at the Walk for Diabetes in St. Charles on October 4. That should be kind of fun. I've always wanted to do one of those walks. Unfortunately I'm not actually walking this time just helping with the set up and what not.
I've also been working on my rice donations. On Friday I answered a lot of the questions and believe me it may seem simple at first but trust me its not all as easy at it looks! So far I'm up to about 900 grains donated! YAY ME!
I've found the life coach I want to work with. Her name is Quinn and she is awesome. She specializes in young adult coaching and really enjoyed chatting with her. We've worked out a payment plan...now all I have to do is get the money! : ) For those of you that don't know a life coach is a person that you talk to usually over the phone and they help you live the kind of life you want to live. They help you figure out the things you need to do in order to get to where you want to be. Kind of like over the phone therapy I guess.
I think today I'll look into the dance class and book club.
Friday, September 25, 2009
101 in 1001 Project
The Mission:
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.
The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).
Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.
Complete 101 preset tasks in a period of 1001 days.
The Criteria:
Tasks must be specific (ie. no ambiguity in the wording) with a result that is either measurable or clearly defined. Tasks must also be realistic and stretching (ie. represent some amount of work on my part).
Why 1001 Days?
Many people have created lists in the past - frequently simple goals such as New Year's resolutions. The key to beating procrastination is to set a deadline that is realistic. 1001 Days (about 2.75 years) is a better period of time than a year, because it allows you several seasons to complete the tasks, which is better for organising and timing some tasks such as overseas trips or outdoor activities.
101 in 1001
- Go back to school
- Learn to play guitar
- Learn how to knit
- Get Penn Foster Certificate for Interior Design
- Learn spanish and use it
- Take a cake decorating class
- Take a dance class
- Maintain a minimum 3.5 GPA
- Learn basic car maintenance
- Read 100 books
- Read 10 books of the 1001 books to read before you die list
- Save at least $1,000.00 [0/1000]
- Open A CD
- Invest in stock market
- Pay off credit cards [0/1850]
- Pay off Penn Foster [0/210]
- Put $1 in savings every time someone caches me complaining
- Donate $5 for every item not completed on list
- Sell something on ebay
- Invest in a nice wardrobe
- Keep check book balanced
- Tip 100%
- Make money blogging
- Win a scholarship
- Buy a bike
- Buy rollerblades
- Visit at least 5 states [0/5]
- Go on a road trip
- Go camping
- Go fishing and catch a fish
- Go strawberry/apple picking
- Visit a Buddhist Temple
- Play lotto (the real kind not the scratch offs)
- Send a message in a bottle
- Visit Uncle Fritz
- Go to camp
- Visit a psychic
- See the worlds largest of something
- Go to Narcolepsy Convention
- Go paint balling
- Go to driving range
- Go to shooting Range
- Go to at least 3 concerts [0/3]
- Go to the zoo
- Fly a kite
- Join a book club
- Do 100 push ups every 6 weeks [0/2600]
- Do 200 crunches every 6 weeks [0/2600]
- Do 200 squats every 6 weeks [0/2600]
- Loose 150 lbs. [0/150]
- Walk the dog regularly for 1 year
- No soda for 1 month
- Take a pilate class
- Hand out 10 narcolepsy bracelets a year [0/30]
- Write Uncle Fritz every 2 months [0/18]
- Volunteer 3 times a year [0/9]
- Reach 2,000 tweets [0/2,000]
- Get up by 9 every day for a month
- Take photo booth pictures
- Make every recipe in book [0/1001] ( The Best 1001 Short Easy Recipes)
- Do 10 actions on wearewhatwedo.com [0/10]
- Post in forum 100 times [0/100]
- Blog at least once a week [0/156]
- Get insurance
- Leave 101 motivational post its [0/101] www.operationbeautiful.com
- Complete the 5,000 question survey [0/5000]
- Go to dentist
- Go to doctor
- Go to eye doctor
- Work with life coach
- Submit invention idea
- Finish coloring papers
- Make a meal plan and stick to it for a month
- Write a letter to myself to open when challenge is complete
- Say I love you every day
- Improve my credit score
- Make at least one extra payment to student loan every year [0/3]
- Make at least one extra payment to time share every year [0/3]
- Go on a cruise
- Participate in a pageant
- Gamble in Vegas
- Complete a sh1ft.org project
- Donate 1,000,000 grains of rice at freerice.com [900/1000000]
- Fill and send at least 3 shoes boxes for operation christmas child [0/3]
- Send 5 postcrossing post cards [0/5]
- Finish room makeover
- Retile Bathroom shower
- Clean up back yard
- Redo wicker furniture
- Go through mom's clothes
- Donate bag of clothes, food, etc. every 6 months [0/6]
- Get rid of futon mattress
- Go ice skating in Millennium park
- Go Jet skiing
- Go to the park
- Have coin jar at least half way filled
- Have a wicked garden
- Give really good Christmas presents
- Create a website
- Get a new desk
- Make another 101 in 1001 list and get started!
Sunday, July 26, 2009
What I've Learned
Being human means your going to make mistakes, your going to go through tough times and you never know what the future holds in store for you. I read a blog a little while ago and it was a list of things this person had learned by the time they turned 26. It was pretty interesting to see the different things this person had learned. Things that some of us never really pick up on until its to late.
So my questions to everyone is if you has the chance to write a letter to your past self what would you tell them you have learned?
I think mine would go some thing like this:
* Every family has its downs. You might think you have the worst family and that every one else is so blessed to have amazing families but the truth is they all have problems too. Every kid I've known has some point in their lives when they think they hate their families and that they're the absolute worst!
* A smile really can make a difference
* Don't hold back...so many people go through life not living every moment to the fullest. Well you never know when that life will end. Its so very important that you do what you can while you have the chance.
* Don't listen to the bad stuff people say about you....They're bored with nothing better to do with their time. Take a look at the people talking bad about you....are they perfect? I DON'T THINK SO!
* Not every one will like you.....if you do come across people that don't seem to be very fond of you don't worry about it. Don't be mean to them, talk bad about them , or knit pick until you figure out exactly what they don't like about you. Some people just don't care for others, it just is what it is. It is something you just have to shrug, smile and tell yourself its their loss.....we know you're AWESOME!
* Everything happens for a reason.....you might think a high school heart break or a speeding ticket is the worst thing in the world. That you'll never get over it but you will. What doesn't kill you only makes you stronger. So take the good with the bad and remember it happened for a reason....learn from it!
* If you want it....You have to get it! Being young there is always mommy and daddy to take care of everything. As you get older independence is the one thing you want more than anything but only if it is in your favor....a later cerfew, the keys to the car, leaving mom and dad at home when it comes time for spring break vacation. Your parents can't take care of everything forever, especially when it comes to the bummer stuff like asking for a raise, paying your rent and getting that college internship. People aren't just going to hand you things in life. You have to work for them! If you want something don't just sit around waiting for it to fall into your lap....go out and get it yourself!
I'm sure there is a lot more I can think of that I'd tell myself but for now I think this will do.
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Things to do Before You Turn 21
Anybody that knows me can tell you I'm really big into list making. I make a list for absolutely everything...day to day to do lists, house cleaning lists, major project lists, things to do before I do. You name it I've probably got a list for it. I've decided to make a list of things to do before I turn 21. As of now I have about 8 months until my 21st birthday! Lets get started!!!!!
Things to Do Before You Turn 21
- Take a road trip...I've been wanting to do this since I saw crossroads in the 7th grade. I think its time I actually did it!
- Save $1,000...I've always wanted to save a good chunk of money unfortunately savings account seems to be thrown out of the vocab whenever I find something I want to do and have already run out of money.
- Buy a lottery ticket...a real one not one of the scratch offs. I've been meaning to do this since I turned 18. Maybe I'll be a millionaire....wish me luck!
- Visit a psychic....This is something I've wanted to do since I found out what they do. Now I just have to find a real one.
- Go back to school
- Get my Penn Foster Certificate
- Finish paying for Penn Foster
- Go to the drive in
- Stop holding back....Who cares what everyone thinks...Like they're perfect I don't think so!
- Get a new cell phone
- Don't be afraid to tell people how you feel.....I seem to have a hard time expressing my emotions I think I'll work on that.
- Smile and laugh a lot
- Take lots of pictures
- Read 10 books
- Have a better attitude
- Finish my room
- Apologize to Randy
- Stop holding grudges
- Don't cash in any coins......I'm working on filling a 5 gallon water jug with coins but I seem to have a really hard time because I'm always cashing my coins in.
- Loose 21 lbs
- Have no regrets
- Start learning how to play the drums
- Grow a garden
- Fly a kite
- Go on another vacation
- Take some sort of art or dance class
- Go camping
- Ice skating in millennium park
I'm sure there's a ton more I can think of but we wont over do it.
There seems to be a few common things everyone wants to do before they turn 21. Here are the things I've already done.
- Told someone I loved them and meant it
- Voted.....Obama...yeah baby!!!
- Graduated High school
- Go skinny dipping
- Do your own laundry...this ones amazing to me...I've been doing my own laundry for a long time.
- Ride a horse
- Slept under the stars
- see the ocean...been to myrtle beach, SC and Cocoa Beach, FL both very nice places.
- Win an award
- Get your license....lucky me I've gotten mine and had it taken away all before I was 21. How many people can say that?
- See the Chicago River turned green for St. Patrick's Day
- Thrown someone a surprise party
- Bought my own car
- Totaled my first car
- Started college
- Taken out a student loan
- Paid rent
- Been able to give my parentals money when they need it instead of the other way around
- Found out I have narcolepsy
- Had a part time job
- Worked a full time schedual...hate it!
- Touched a stingray
- Been to Ripley's Believe it or not Aquarium
- Traveled to another state....so far I've been to Wisconsin, Michigan, Indiana, Kentucky, Texas, Florida, South Carolina, and Missouri
- Had surgery
- Lived with my best friend
- Fell in love
Tuesday, June 30, 2009
~Worry Warts~
I'm a huge worry wart! I worry about everything, money, my family, my family and their money problems, work, school, health problems, you name it and I'm sure I've worried about it. I never really saw a problem with worrying until I stepped back and really looked at all the things I worried about and how it affected my day to day life.
Most people don't think worrying really does any damage. Sure it's a pain in the butt, but when it comes down to it everyone does it with major surplus. It's not something that will kill you, if you don't have worries people treat you like you're irresponsible. That's a bunch of crap.
Think about it.....I mean really stop and think. What does worrying get you? A headache, a major case of depression and for what? NOTHING!!!!!!!! Worrying is a complete waste of time and life!
Don't freak out I'm not saying that you should throw your bills out the window and let your kids run around naked doing God knows what with only God knows who.
Morning coach, a podcast I listen to on a regular basis explained it beautifully. If you worry about something and it doesn't happen you've wasted all that time worrying and if you worry about something and it does happen, it was going to happen you're worrying didn't change anything.
That's totally true. People waste their time worrying about tons of stuff, bills, kids, work, marriage. All this does is depress you making you not want to do anything to fix the situation. You just want to hang around and feel sorry for yourself, cursing the world and everyone else for your problems. Come on get a life!
Things happen, you're not the only one going through tough times. In fact there are people out there who have it much worse than most of us.
Recently I found out just how bad things had gotten for my parents. My dad, being the owner of a small siding business has been depressed for awhile. Not doing much besides holding down the mattress. Business has been slow, we're behind on bills, and sure it's depressing when you think about it I suppose. But when you step outside the picture and look at it as a spectator things aren't as bad as they seem. Tons of families have lost their houses already, we're behind but still here! An insanely large number of business have shut down. Business might be slow but it's still there! All worrying got them was a couple months of wasted time. It didn't change out financial situation, it didn't suddenly bring in more business, it didn't fix all our problems.
Things happen, thats life! You just have to take it in stride and not worry so much. Whatever the outcome may be, it's already set to happen worrying isn't going to change that.
I've decided to practice what I preach and I'm going to stop worrying so much. After all it's kind of a suck way to live your life always worrying about every little thing.
Monday, March 2, 2009
Blessing in Disguise
Has something ever happened to you and at first no matter how you looked at it your situation seemed pretty crappy but in the ended it ended up being a blessing in disguise?
In December 2007 I had a pretty bad car accident after falling asleep at the wheel. Not only did I get 2 tickets, I had to go to court for the first time, I ended up paying about $500 for those 2 tickets, I lost my license and had to have 2 sleep tests done.
The first sleep tests I had done was for sleep apnea...turned out that I didn't have that but they wanted me to go back to have the narcolepsy sleep test done. After having the sleep apnea test done I filled out all the papers the Secretary of State had sent me in order to get my license back and sent in the sleep test reports saying I didn't have sleep apnea. A few weeks later I received a letter saying that they would not be giving my license back and it was beyond suspended it was just out right canceled pretty much. They gave me a chance to submit a bunch of other paper work to have my case go back through for a review by a board of doctors. Unfortunately due to some financial issues I was unable to get everything turned in on time. (You wouldn't even be able to guess how much a sleep test costs and then the write up is a totally separate bill which also costs an arm and a leg!)
In March of 2008 I had the narcolepsy test done. Turns out I have a pretty severe case of narcolepsy with a slight case of cataplexy...for those of you who don't know what any of this means narcolepsy is a sleep disorder in which you suffer from severe daytime sleepiness and sleep attacks. Cataplexy is a symptom of the narcolepsy and it causes you to loose your muscle control mostly while experiencing a strong emotion such as laughter or anger. After finding out I did have narcolepsy I started to see a couple of doctors. The first of which was just a regular family doctor no specializations. He unfortunately couldn't help me so I started seeing a neurologist.
Since I started seeing my second neurologist I've been taking Ritalin which helps a great deal with lessening the number of sleep attacks and significantly reducing the daytime sleepiness.
All of this ended up costing me a good amount of money for all the medicines and the guess and check process to see which medicine actually worked, the office visits, the sleep tests, the write ups, and of course gas money to get to and from the doctors because when there is something wrong with you they can't put a specialist in the same town they have to put him like an hour away!
Now that I've told you most of the bad things I'll let you in on a little secret. When I had my accident I was so upset I had totalled my first car after having it for only 2 months, it cost a ton of money and I lost my license. But after really thinking about it that accident was really good and it could have ended up saving my life or the lives of other people. You see when I had my accident there where 4 cars involved including mine. 2 of them where totalled and the other 2 had some minor damage. Amazingly nobody was hurt not even a slight scratch on any of the guys I hit. This might not seem like a big deal but if you had seen the first car I hit you would know that nobody being hurt was a miracle! Even the cop that showed up at the scene first said that somebody should have been hurt. To top it all off I wasn't even wearing my seat belt...I know that is bad and trust me I've learned my lesson I had to go to court for the no seat belt ticket and it ended up costing me like $200 for just that ticket. Lets just say from then on I never forget to put my safety belt on.
I also think that accident was good because it forced me to have the sleep tests done. For a long time I thought there was something wrong with the amount I was sleeping but nobody really believed me. Most people just shrugged it off and thought I was a lazy person. That bothered me but even more than that my sleeping was interfering with other parts of my life. People didn't like to hangout with me as much because I fell asleep doing just about everything. I couldn't drive myself anywhere and it was affecting my grades. I almost failed the same math class twice and if you know me you would know math was my best subject.
Having narcolepsy I go through the sleep stages different that most people. I hit my REM stage right away and wake up straight from that so its a lot easier for me to remember my dreams. Most people who can some what remember their dreams would agree that usually they dream about something they were thinking about before they went to bed. Now for me it works the same way most of the time, usually I dream about what I was doing or thinking about before I went to bed. Sounds normal right? Wrong! Because my sleep stages are different and I remember my dreams in hard core detail its as if I think while I'm asleep. I'll give you an example just in case you think I'm crazy!
My mom and I were working on starting a business in which we created flyers and did all the layouts and such. Well the first flyer I did I dreamed it! I saw the entire thing layed out in my sleep so when I woke up I was able to go and create it and it turned out great!
I'm always coming up with things to do and different ways to get things done more effectively in my sleep. I know it sounds really strange my mom even thinks it sounds kind of weird but I promise that's how it works for me.
So I guess in the end my narcolepsy while being a huge burden to my everyday life was almost like a blessing.....a blessing in disguise if you will!
In December 2007 I had a pretty bad car accident after falling asleep at the wheel. Not only did I get 2 tickets, I had to go to court for the first time, I ended up paying about $500 for those 2 tickets, I lost my license and had to have 2 sleep tests done.
The first sleep tests I had done was for sleep apnea...turned out that I didn't have that but they wanted me to go back to have the narcolepsy sleep test done. After having the sleep apnea test done I filled out all the papers the Secretary of State had sent me in order to get my license back and sent in the sleep test reports saying I didn't have sleep apnea. A few weeks later I received a letter saying that they would not be giving my license back and it was beyond suspended it was just out right canceled pretty much. They gave me a chance to submit a bunch of other paper work to have my case go back through for a review by a board of doctors. Unfortunately due to some financial issues I was unable to get everything turned in on time. (You wouldn't even be able to guess how much a sleep test costs and then the write up is a totally separate bill which also costs an arm and a leg!)
In March of 2008 I had the narcolepsy test done. Turns out I have a pretty severe case of narcolepsy with a slight case of cataplexy...for those of you who don't know what any of this means narcolepsy is a sleep disorder in which you suffer from severe daytime sleepiness and sleep attacks. Cataplexy is a symptom of the narcolepsy and it causes you to loose your muscle control mostly while experiencing a strong emotion such as laughter or anger. After finding out I did have narcolepsy I started to see a couple of doctors. The first of which was just a regular family doctor no specializations. He unfortunately couldn't help me so I started seeing a neurologist.
Since I started seeing my second neurologist I've been taking Ritalin which helps a great deal with lessening the number of sleep attacks and significantly reducing the daytime sleepiness.
All of this ended up costing me a good amount of money for all the medicines and the guess and check process to see which medicine actually worked, the office visits, the sleep tests, the write ups, and of course gas money to get to and from the doctors because when there is something wrong with you they can't put a specialist in the same town they have to put him like an hour away!
Now that I've told you most of the bad things I'll let you in on a little secret. When I had my accident I was so upset I had totalled my first car after having it for only 2 months, it cost a ton of money and I lost my license. But after really thinking about it that accident was really good and it could have ended up saving my life or the lives of other people. You see when I had my accident there where 4 cars involved including mine. 2 of them where totalled and the other 2 had some minor damage. Amazingly nobody was hurt not even a slight scratch on any of the guys I hit. This might not seem like a big deal but if you had seen the first car I hit you would know that nobody being hurt was a miracle! Even the cop that showed up at the scene first said that somebody should have been hurt. To top it all off I wasn't even wearing my seat belt...I know that is bad and trust me I've learned my lesson I had to go to court for the no seat belt ticket and it ended up costing me like $200 for just that ticket. Lets just say from then on I never forget to put my safety belt on.
I also think that accident was good because it forced me to have the sleep tests done. For a long time I thought there was something wrong with the amount I was sleeping but nobody really believed me. Most people just shrugged it off and thought I was a lazy person. That bothered me but even more than that my sleeping was interfering with other parts of my life. People didn't like to hangout with me as much because I fell asleep doing just about everything. I couldn't drive myself anywhere and it was affecting my grades. I almost failed the same math class twice and if you know me you would know math was my best subject.
Having narcolepsy I go through the sleep stages different that most people. I hit my REM stage right away and wake up straight from that so its a lot easier for me to remember my dreams. Most people who can some what remember their dreams would agree that usually they dream about something they were thinking about before they went to bed. Now for me it works the same way most of the time, usually I dream about what I was doing or thinking about before I went to bed. Sounds normal right? Wrong! Because my sleep stages are different and I remember my dreams in hard core detail its as if I think while I'm asleep. I'll give you an example just in case you think I'm crazy!
My mom and I were working on starting a business in which we created flyers and did all the layouts and such. Well the first flyer I did I dreamed it! I saw the entire thing layed out in my sleep so when I woke up I was able to go and create it and it turned out great!
I'm always coming up with things to do and different ways to get things done more effectively in my sleep. I know it sounds really strange my mom even thinks it sounds kind of weird but I promise that's how it works for me.
So I guess in the end my narcolepsy while being a huge burden to my everyday life was almost like a blessing.....a blessing in disguise if you will!
Wednesday, February 4, 2009
2009 is your time to shine
Happy New Year....I guess that came a little late but better late than never!
What are you going to do in 2009?
I've already got a list that runs about a page and a half long. This year I'm going to work on becoming the person I want to be. I decided a long time ago that I'm going to do something great with my life. I'm going to make a difference. I just haven't figured out how exactly I'm going to achieve that.
There are so many things that I want to fix or change that its really hard for me to make my mind up about what project to start first. When I do actually decide on a project I also have a hard time figuring out exactly how to go about completing it. (I'm working on my indecisiveness)
I want to improve my attitude. For a while now everyones been telling me I have a pretty crappy attitude and I'd like to change that. Back in high school my friends would mess with me because I was always so happy and upbeat. Now I'm never told how happy and upbeat I am. Now people tell me I'm mad all the time. Thats not good.
I would also like to get my narcolepsy taken care of. In March of 2008 I had a sleep test and it came back that I had narcolepsy. Since then I've been trying to get medicine so I can get my license back. Up until about mid January of 2009 that wasn't going so well. But finally we got in to see the neurologist and so far the medicine I received has been working pretty good. I feel a lot better and my attitude has improved a lot.
I want to go back to school. I've been doing this school thing on line..Penn Foster. I'm taking an interior design course. At the end I'll be given a certificate and I guess I can work in the field. That's awesome and I'm pretty proud of myself for almost completing that but I'd like to go and get a real degree from a normal college. I've decided COD is the way to go for now. Mainly because of my financial situation. Hopefully I get to start that soon!
Those are a few of my main goals for 2009.
What are you goals? Remember 2009 is your time to shine! There's no better time than the present to become the person you want to be. After all every second of your life you waste is a second you'll never get back. So do something great with yourself. You have a lot more power than you think.
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