Family...can't live with them...never want to live without them!

Today I went to lunch with my mom, a very typical and frequent outing for us, but today she told me something that I have never heard before. Today she told me that my brother was having suicidal thoughts. That is something nobody ever wants to hear! When she told me this it made me want to cry, I didn't because I don't like to show much emotion but I wanted to.

I'm 20 years old and I have a 17 year old brother. My brother and I have never really seen eye to eye on anything. We have our days where we get along and we go out together occasionally but nothing close to friendship. I also have a 19 year old sister, we are very close. I hang out with my sister all the time she's like one of my best friends. I tell her everything and I know she tells me everything. We argue sometimes but nothing major and we always make up super quick. My brother and sister are a little closer than my brother and I. They talk and hangout together more, I think its because they are closer in age and know a lot of the same people, kind of like my sister and I. But still they aren't super close. My brother and my mom on the other hand are like best friends. They are together all the time and they have a pretty good relationship. My brother and my dad on the other hand barely talk. In fact the only talking they ever do might be when my dad gets drunk and says mean stuff to my brother.

Now that you all know about my brothers relationships with all of us let me fill you in a little more. My brother has always had a hard time in school. He is a smart kid but when he was younger it took him a little longer to learn to read. He was having some trouble in school and he started getting into a little bit of trouble in school. Nothing to major! My brother was also a pleasantly plump kid growing up but that never stopped him from being involved. He played baseball with the park districted for a couple of years and I think that might have been when being chunky got to him. His freshman year of highschool he played football. He was actually pretty good! I know his asthma made practices hard on him...for those of you who don't know how highschool football works....they have those boys out there practicing 2 or 3 weeks before school starts early in the morning. Then one of the football coaches told my brother not to bother coming out for the team next year. You can imagine how much this would hurt a 15 year old boy! He never admitted it but we all know that it hurt him because sure enough he quit playing football that year. In fact he quit being involved in any kind of extra curricular activities. School didn't get any easier for him either. Teachers always seemed to be a little harder on him, I don't know if its because of my sister and I, or not. My sister and I always made really good grades. Being older than he is we all had a lot of the same teachers. Whatever the reason may have been they always did kind of pick on him!

So we covered school and extra curricular activities having to do with school. Moving on! After quitting football he no longer hung out with the jock kids who were always busy with sports. He made other friends! This time his friends consisted of the stoner kids and the kids that always seem to end up in trouble. I know a lot of them none of them are really bad people. A lot of them are actually very nice they just do a lot of stupid stuff. Well my brother hanging out with these kids started doing a lot more partying. He became way more into girls, I mean what highscool guy isn't into girls, but when  your hanging around your buddies who are always talking about all the girls they hook up with kind of puts the pressure on you if you aren't hooking up. So my brother turned into the player!

Now I don't want anyone to get the wrong idea at all. My brother is a good kid. He is very smart he just doesn't apply himself. He is a good worker when given a job to do. He is a very friendly person and he's super sweet. I've seen how he treated his girlfriends and he was super sweet. But when the girls are messing around on him and you put that with the pressure from his buddies what do you expect!

A few months ago we found out that my brother had a HUGE PROBLEM! He had gotten a girl pregnant, or so she says. Being a 17 year old guy this was a lot for him to deal with. But he stood up and took responsibility for it! He told my parents, both of which were not very happy but as supportive as anybody could be in this situation. (until my dad gets drunk that is then my brother gets to hear what a screw up he is) My brother even got up at 7am to go to the doctor with this girl for the ultra sound thing. (the thing where they take a picture of the baby in the belly). He came home with a copy of the picture and it was hung on out refrigerator. I mean seriously what 17 year old boy does that? If you ask me he went above and beyond to take care of the situation. He even brought the girl to our house so we could all meet her, fixed her a plate of breakfast and brought it to her and cleaned up after her. Come to find out that his girl had not only had sex with my brother but about 15 other guys as well. Including my brothers buddy who is currently living with us. I later found out that she had told people that she was going to pin the baby on my brother. I mean seriously what a SLUT! My brother knew all of this and he still tried to do the right thing not even knowing if it was his baby or not! THATS A GREAT KID IF YOU ASK ME!

Since then my brother has tried to help the girl with during her pregnancy but she has been totally nasty to him. She told him that she didn't want him to have anything to do with the baby! I don't think my brother ever really admitted it but we know that having her treat him this way when they could be having a baby together really hurt him. I guess we'll see in March whose baby it is!

My brother has also gotten into some really big trouble over the summer. Going out with a friend one night to do something stupid my brother was driving his friends car and somehow something went terribly wrong and my brother ran over a man. I'm still not totally sure if he knew it and freaked out or if he didn't know he had run over the guy but either way they left the scene of the accident. I know, I know that makes him sound horrible but trust me its a long story and in the end my brother really didn't mean to hurt anyone. The guy had been hanging on the side of a moving car....What do you think is going to happen if you hang onto a moving vehicle? My mom told me that when she went down to the police station she found my brother crying. A 17 year old boy crying in a police station does that sound like a hardened criminal to you? A few days later we found out that they guy hadn't even been severely hurt, that he just suffered from some major road rash I think they called it, in other words he was pretty banged up but nothing serious. After a lot of court dates, worrying, and fighting, my brother was sentenced to be on probation with community service and a few other rules. A short while after the whole incident occurred we found out that the guy my brother had ran over was suing us. He says that he has back injuries and will never be able to lift more than 30 lbs again. GIVE ME A BREAK! Not even a week later my mom and everyone else saw him jumping around on the side of the road. If you had back injuries that were that severe would you be able to jump around like that? I DON'T THINK SO!


Pregnant slut, probation, crappy teachers and coaches, unemployed (he quit because the boss was talking crap about him...I give him props for sticking up for himself), drunken father, and lets not even get started on the financial state we're in right now. You put all that together and its a lot for a 17 year old boy to handle. It hurt me a lot to hear that my brother was having suicidal thoughts. If you have gotten to the end of this you know that he has been through a lot! But trust me when I say my brother really is an amazing person! I don't think he has ever met anybody that didn't instantly know what a good kid he was.

I don't think I could ever tell him but I really am so proud of him! I wish he could see that he has so much more going for him than he thinks he does. He just needs to figure out how to pull it all together!